it's 8:21 on a wednesday morning
and i have just come to the screaming conclusion
that you will never leave my mind.
so i'm giving up on trying.

come on, bastard love.
devour me.

go ahead.
do you see me fighting?
no...
i'm too worn out for kicking and screaming

come on, bastard love.
flood me like a river.

steal away my reason.
it's not like i was ever sensible, anyway.
cloud my senses, invade my every thought
i can't stop you however hard i try
so here today, at 8:36 a.m.
i surrender.
when did i become so weak?
probably on the day you became so strong ...

strong...
how can you simple desire be so strong?
stronger than i?
a functional person, with muscle and thick white bone
housing ten thousand other simultaneous emotions
how does a longing for one touch, one kiss,
outweigh my conscious need to breathe?


whoa

(how on earth did i get to the point
where i can compare a person to a vitality like oxygen?)

under a microscope, i am my own city
i am water and tissue and bacteria
with a million tiny cells all on dire missions
to simply keep me alive,
contrasting nerves striving to keep me feeling
why why why why why
are you all i'm concious of?

tick tick tick tick tick

it's 8:50.
on off on off on off.
i'm staring at the lightswitch
and it reminds me of you.
why can't i turn it off?
i wish you were scrap metal.
wires, holes, and a couple of screws
chunks of white plastic.
on off on off on off.
i wish you were a lightswitch.
at least then i could flip it when the
moonbeams paint shadows on the wall above my bed
and i draw my curtains with tired little hands
with a clear mind and a child's heart
and sleep in peace for once

but you're not.
and i can't.

i'm completely unaware of anything but the
flashing digits above the door
(it's 8:57)
and the charming, childish way your lips curl when you smile.
so instead i sit here in class
slipping deeper into space as i
whisper my secrets to these
whithered scraps of lined paper.